So... in my never ending quest to figure out the next path (so to speak), I have been meeting with various publishers to see about the possibility of writing a book. As it turns out, there may be a few openings for a fish-obsessed man of my ilk. And what with all this exposure (I will never fail to point out that "exposure" is a thing arctic exlorers and mountain men routinely die of), it seems like I stand a fair chance of getting something published THIS TIME.
A-hem. So I've been compiling stuff, and working on some new ideas, and coming up with a book for the masses. And I'm really digging it. It's been fun. A good challenge. But last night as the beer and whiskey flowed, and the cigar smoke wafted in the air, and I began to realize that my date for the evening was pulling a George Jones, I pulled out my little black book and I wrote, long hand (imagine that!) the contents page for the book that I would really, really, really like to write (that's right three reallies). Not the one I should write, or that might get published... feel me? The one I want to write. Anyway, here it is... the contents page... with photos attached for your viewing pleasure:
The Perfect Book:
An Insiders Field Guide to the Fish and Fishermen of San Francisco, vol.1 (1 of 7)
1. The Surf Perches
a. Why They Suck.
b. Why They Don’t Suck.
c. What Ms. Nguyen Says And Why We Must Listen to Her.
d. The Akino Redtail Surf Perch Club of 10-mile Beach Point Reyes.
e. Some Interesting Factoids.
f. Well If You Absolutely Have To… Ways To Prepare Them.
g. Distinguishing Qualities of the Different Species.
h. Of Pogies and Men.
--Pissed off Pete and the end of the world.
--McKentral and the boys.
--The Poster Boy Of The Pogie Fisherman's Assoc. Of California, aka: "Fuck The Police"
2. The Rockfishes
1. Why I Have the Right:
a. blood on the paper work, vomit on the deck...
2. The Species You Need to Know and Why.
a. God takes up fish painting
b. Brownies in the drains.
c. Grassies get fuckin big, yo.
d. You’re The Greatest Deckhand of them all, ma’am.
e. Tacos al rock cod
f. Rod and reel vs. drag and rape
g. Beers With Milton Love (hoping this happens some day)
h. Why being a nice guy matters more than putting people on the fish
i. The truth about all those canaries
1. ... and the Russian mob
2. ... and the law of diminishing returns
3. The golden sturgeon in the idiot’s mind
4. Alviso Creek was not designed for your Grady White, sir.
5. How the slot limit can ruin a man’s week
1. To eat or not to eat?
2. A short user-friendly history of the Pacific sardine.
3. Surf smelt and the glories of summer…
4. Dabblings in night smelt,
5. Dabblings in dabs: Mr. Morgan and the myth of sustainability
6. Midnight toppies in Lake Merrit
7. Eating tuna and eating mountain lions is the same thing
5. Fishermen I Have Known: Biographical Sketches of Exceptional Fellows
a. How Did This Man Survive? Niko Von Sharky and the Jaws of Death
b. Comes With Boat Attached. The Nomadic Ways Of Mike D.,
c. “Big Rockfish at 340 Feet.” The story of California’s most notorious fisherman.
d. 100 Miles Past The Farrallones in a 17 Foot Whaler or: San Francisco’s Last Professional Harpooneer
--End Of Book 1--
Hey, just for the hell of it I sat here for an extra hour and wrote one of these as a short story. I randomly selected: How The Slot Limit Can Ruin A Man's Week and gave it a go. If I get any kind of response to this, say, five comments, I'll post it.
(Honestly, I like to throw things like this out there every now and then to see how many people are actually reading this blog to the end, and how many are here to download pictures of Lana Turner, Raquel Welch etc... no worries either way)