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Thanks for the Guttenberg link... wouldn't want anyone to think you meant Steve Guttenberg!


As the alleged crab pirate's story became more elaborate, and his scenario became more practical, it sounded like bullshit. The perfect "Tales from the Crypt" ending to this tall tale would have been the part where you apologized for slipping candiru fry into the urinal, just before the pirate relieved himself. (Snopes.com & Cecil Adams would refute that candiru delivery system too.)



Ooh good idea! Maybe I'll go back and add that... In fact I just did. Let me know if you want credit, Fontanelle.

Y'know, I've never really understood the candiru though... what can it possibly gain from killing off its host? I mean, isn't that the usual outcome? Insertion, infection and death?


Glad that you found it useful. The candiru's usual hosts are other fish, which don't suffer the same sort of damage that human hosts receive. Apparently, a tiny blind catfish can't tell the difference between a human phallus and a fish. It's any port in a storm for them. Unfortunately for us, we don't have gills in our urethras.

First time I heard of the candiru, as an indirect reference to William Burroughs' Naked Lunch, I assumed it was an urban legend designed to teach guys not to piss into rivers. For me, it's the scariest tropical parasite on the planet, even worse than the roundworms that cause river blindness.

Scott Parker

I thought you had to be peeing while you were IN the water, not just peeing into the water for the candiru to get you...


The most outrageous candiru stories have them swimming "upstream" into the open urethra. If salmon could do something similar, there would have been no need for fish ladders.

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